Read on below for more funny information about… the future.

So, from next week I have updated my website(s) everyday for a year. How nerdy am i!? That question is rhetorical so don’t even bother. It takes a lot to devote yourself to something which takes about 2 hours a day for a year, especially when there is no immediate payoff. Anyway, I decided to take the week off as the weather here has been gorgeous for once and I like to ride my bike whenever the weather is nice. I cover about 100 miles a day on nice days and about 100 a week for the “normal” English weather. The sites updates will be back to normal for tomorrow for anyone who still remembers. Sometimes I question my own reasons for doing this but then again, it’s better than a day job.

Just to show you how devoted I am to my sites I decided to make a small list of dates that I can remember updating my site(s) (I also have a list fetish if you didn’t guess):

• I updated my sites on Christmas day. Not a real problem because I have no friends so there was no presents to open. Also, I am Jewish.
• I updated my site for 3 hours doing a Live show with people I don’t even know when there was a party in the room next to my office. But then again I have no friends so I wasn’t invited.
• I now make sure that wherever I go when I travel has a high-speed internet connection. This costs more money. £2000 a week. It’s good because then I’m not bored, you’d think I would go and talk to someone, you’d be wrong, I have nobody.
• I have updated everyone of my sites on every birthday for the past 3 years. Same again with the gifts.
• I would not sell my sites for £20,000 ($35,000). I would consider anything more than that. Hint hint.

Things that I have gotten in return:

• Friends. Wha-but-eh?
• Money.
• 3 job offers (one in London working for a bank which paid £45,000 a year starting salary).
• Free movie screenings and transatlantic flights.
• A blow job.
• A book deal.

So, If you’re still reading then you are more patient then I, I mean… come on… this is the internet, nobody reads anymore! Well then what’s that you say!? Well it has been a long time coming but 1,054 cosmetic surgeries later I am finally ready to make the transition into online video. I know, mind blowing. Starting this week I’ll be uploading loads of videos while I travel around on my motorbike. I’m so cool. For the past few days I’ve stuck a HD (yeah I know, High Definition, you’re so privileged) camera in my face and ridden around talking about pointless garbage such as… homosexuals in country villages, cars with dents in them and rocks. Exciting! Don’t kill yourself though, I’ll still write and update my other sites as normal from now on because i can’t really just give up on my publisher or anyone who has supported me throughout.

See you soon and thank you for your continued support of my bullshit.

P.S. My videos will be posted on both sites but will also be posted earlier on my YouTube account and Twitter:

http://www.youtube.com/user/dinkoman

http://www.twitter.com/comedyonline

My emails all failed today for some unknown reason, my host didn’t tell me why but I’m not entirely sure it was their fault. Oh well; if you sent any email I did get it but only just now. I’ve still not got my camera for my helmet yet but hopefully I’ll order it soon. I’ve just got loads of other stuff that needs to be paid off at the moment - I think its called debt. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m just going to break both of my legs and claim off of the system.

I don’t have much else to say because my life is pretty boring to be honest. At least when the weather is like this. I don’t have a car you see, only my motorbike, and the chrome on that (“her” if you’re into all that stuff) is intense so I avoid going out at all when its raining, which it has been for the past 5 days in a row. To exemplify how boring my days are when it rains I will just make a rough schedule of what I did today:

12:15 pm – I woke up and got dressed.

12:30 pm – I began eating cereal (Honey Loops to be exact).

12:31 pm – I go on my computer to watch a few videos.

1:10 pm – I finished eating cereal.

1:11 pm – I went back to watching videos.

1:30 pm – I brushed my teeth and had a wash.

1:40 pm – I watched videos and generally browsed the internet, trying to check my email.

4:10 pm – I talked to some friends (wirelessly).

5:10 pm – I ate pizza and Garlic Bread.

6:00 pm – I finished eating my meal. I had cookies and a mint for dessert.

6:10 pm – I went back to talking.

7:00 pm – I started updating my websites while watching random videos and talking.

8:50 pm – I went in the shower.

9:20 pm – I left the shower.

9:30 pm – I ate more cereal and watched more videos.

10:35 pm – I updated my sites again in between talking to people and watching videos.

10: 55 pm – I started writing this.

11:06 pm – I am currently writing this.

11:50 pm – Predicted hand relief and bedtime.

* Surprisingly I am not fat.

You see, my day isn’t all that fascinating for the most part. Which is why I have not committed myself to make a “video diary” or “blog a day” like a lot of people have started to. Of course there are various other things that I do such as plug in my fan heater and mess around with my keyboard but for the most part that is it. When it is sunny my day is totally different and I actually socialise and venture into the outside world. Not everyday is like this either, just the occasional days when I get up and it is raining. It’s not the fact that I’d be embarrassed about my pathetic existence but more of the fact that I would probably bore you for the most part with making a video about a day like this. Who wants to see a guy moping around in his office eating cereal and watching videos? Not unless it is poorly scripted and leads to some hot blond with a fake chest bursting in - I don’t.

You know what I hate? Everything. But what really pisses me off are these dumbasses who get pointless tattoos for no reason. There are only three reasons to get a tattoo:

1.) You drew it yourself*

2.) The tattoo what you drew yourself symbolises a special time in your life that you want to remember. (This is connected to number 1)**

3.) You are a member of an African tribe/Yakuza.

That is it. Just to clear up the citations:

* = The design has to be totally awesome in every way.

** = None of this sentimental bullshit. I’m talking like if a Lion attacked you and then you clubbed the Lion and its children to death with your penis. Then you get a tattoo of that. Which also has to be drawn by yourself.

The only RIGHT age to get a tattoo is 23 -30. People tend to get tattoos when they’re young. Sure it may look like shit (not “the shit”, just shit) for a couple of weeks but after the first week is over it’s all down hill from there. I find that most people who get tattoos when they’re young haven’t hit puberty yet. This explains why they’re too dumb to figure out that when they decide to put on an ounce of muscle the tattoo will look like Oprah, gradually stretching as the years pass on and this time it’s not because of my widescreen TV. There is also the obvious fact that the raging design which they chose at 18 years old back in 1992 will look far more outdated than designs which look the least bit fashionable nowadays. Take a look at a picture of yourself in the 90’s, all those neon short shorts, bowl hair cuts and knitted sweaters certainly do look hot now eh?

At the other end of the spectrum you have people who get tattoos when they’re old. I like to refer to these people as whores. Wake up! You’re unicorn from rainbow land may be the sexiest thing in the world but paired with you’re wrinkled, beach ball shaped body it spells out the word SLUT. Old people with tattoos gross me out, I don’t know if it’s the fact that they just want something to draw attention away from those wrinkles or if they seriously think it looks good. Please just grow up and cover up.

I think I have made my point clear by now so I am going to stop rambling on about this. If you’re thinking of getting a tattoo then I honestly don’t know why you’re still reading this - all I can say is don’t.

Sorry about the lack of updates:

ComedyOnline.tv

I only posted a limited amount of videos this week because I have been really busy a lately, however, I’ve finished all my work now so back to a normal service next week.

Dinkoman.com

Generally the only time I get to actually write something now is on the occasional day or at midnight. However, I am trying to solve this problem by doing one crucial thing. I am trying to get a camera for my helmet (motorbike) as this is generally the time I would have spent writing for the site. So, what I can do is film and talk on my motorbike journeys throughout the UK. This is not my idea by a long shot (There are quite a few before me that do this, mordeth13 being the longest one I have been watching) but when I do this I will be able to effectively just create videos instead of making long-winded articles.

This should hopefully be coming in the next few weeks anyway but who knows. You know what I’m like by now. You see, I have a lot of interesting, funny things to say but I never really have the chance to say them anymore as I’m always doing something else. So by making these videos you actually get to watch me, while riding a bike, talk about all the interesting things that I would normally write about. Don’t worry though, I’ll still write when I have chance and the book is already in editing now.

I am a bit behind on my “What to buy?” update article, not because i have an overwhelming amount of entries but because i got a new motorbike this weekend. I’ll post some pictures tomorrow and some information about a video series/diary i’ll be doing on the bike. If you’re wondering, which you probably are, the bike is a Suzuki Intruder. I’ll do the article whenever i get the chance in the next few days as i’ll be out all weekend on the bike.

See ya.