I will post some new stuff soon, i promise.
I am coming back from my holiday as i write this and as i was reviewing the trip i thought … what really pisses me off when i go abroad? Now last time i came back off holiday i did an article on how children screaming at hotels etc. pissed me off, so i’m giving that a miss this time. However as i try to communicate my commands to Johnny Foreigner a struggle occurs. In turn this boils my blood to an even higher temperature making me resort to using a universal language skill… swearing.
It’s true that wherever you go people will always understand that your pissed off if you start cussing to the heavens. I have a book called “the little book of foreign insults” and i admit that the book does help a lot but sometimes the natives just don’t get the accent right, and fail to understand me yet again.
For this reason alone i have compiled a selection of insulting acts for your communicatory needs. Following these acts will get your point across with ease and will make tourists shit their pants and run for the hills. 2-0!
The arm wave:
Waving your arms up and down frantically is likely to cause panic and confusion among locals, subsequently this will send messages out for them not to mess with you because your obviously a raving lunatic or are REALLY pissed off at something. The arm wave can be used for a number of things ranging from being brought the wrong food the at a restaurant to showing your anger for the natives anti-hunting policy. Below is a demonstration of the arm wave.
Shouting slowly:
Shouting slowly is somewhat misleading as you would tend to think that shouting and slowly don’t go together, although there is an exception to this, that exception being when trying to communicate with a foreigner. ALL manly men will at some point in their lives have shouted slowly, and i can almost guarantee that this will have been when trying to communicate with a foreigner. For those of you who are too big pussy’s to scrape your vocal chords at someone eyou have never met before then i will give you a definition, which will also act as a guide on how to perform this masculine act.
Shouting slowly is incredibly easy for what you get in return. Basically you shout extremely loudly and pronounce every syllable that is in the phrase your saying. For example, a common one that i put to use often “I sa-id N-OO s-au-ce O-N my bur-ger”. While doing this remember to apply the technique above and point at yourself and objects around you when you’re exclaiming certain things.
Well at the moment i can’t be that bothered to talk seeing as i’m in the middle of a bar while the dreaded game of “football” or soccer surrounds me… man i hate soccer but that’s another story. I’ll be back soon so expect the changes to the site that might take place, don’t get your hopes up though, they’ve been planned for half a year now.
